If I Were a Soldier...

August 1, 2008,
Day 97 for me in the God forsaken desert, and today was just like the past 96 of them. Just like the past 96 days the sand got stuck in my teeth, the sun scorched my back, and I spent the whole day wondering if it would be my last as I patrolled the streets of my zone. It is getting monotonous. That is a very bad thing. It is when it gets boring that people make mistakes. If you watch the guys who have been here he longest, they are always jumpy. They see things where there is nothing, getting feeling in their guts when they have absolutely no reason to, and fear things that should not be feared. They are not cowards, they just don't want to get bored. They don't want to end up dead.
I don't know what to do, part of me becomes complacent as another part of me becomes angry. I want to go home, but to linger on that thought just makes the days longer, I don't support the cause, but to linger on that just makes you vainly frustrated; in turn one just becomes complacent. To think about any aspect of anything around here too long would drive you crazy. Instead we think and talk about nothings. Irrelevant things that don't matter, and that don't remind you of things you don't want to dwell on.
Today the Humvee in front of mine exploded. All three of its crew members were killed. It didn't even phase me. I went through the routine reactions, but until know I never thought of the passengers. This war is slowly destroying us. Our bodies may make it out, but our minds never will. But today is over. Home is one day closer. I m still alive...